dimming light

I'm finding it hard to cope with the fact that I'm not shining today. What the hell is happening? i got a text from my recently suicidal friend simply saying "love you bro". I tried to find out where he was but no reply. I tried imagining him already being dead. I didn't even get mildly sad.then again, I'm not sure i care about any of my friends anymore. I mean i do, but not too much. I suppose you can lose love. They are becoming a burden. As this burden grows, its blocking my light. The Black Star needs light to shine. well, If he is dead, so be it. suicidals are weak people with small wavering souls. My hatred for lack of love in one's self is sort of ironic. But I've learned in my nearly 18 years that many things in life center around irony. pause.

Ive been trying so hard to make my own beats today. I'm more of a wordsmith i suppose. It's not in my nature to just give up, but i believe stressing over this will only take from my writing ability and creativity. I have much more fun writing songs that making instrumentals. pause.

What people don't understand is that I Need to make a living out of music. I am not someone who likes to be tied down to routine. I hate when these NPC's ask me, what do you want to do after high school? I never tell them the truth. I want to be a musical artist. I am a musical artist. i guess i should just say it. there isn't a college for it, but there is inspiration and motivation. pause.

My Internet love isn't texting back. its probably nothing. I'm an unpleasant over thinker(thank you Charles Hamilton) she's always under massive amounts of stress. I'm glad i can ease her burden a bit. i don't want to add to it at all. I'd sooner disappear completely before i do that. we've been talking on the phone a lot lately. it is nice to hear her voice and her little idiosyncrasies that are so cute to me. It just sucks not being able to see her. like a fucking black hole+whirlpool+tornado. Pause.

Looks like nobody is attractive to me anymore, other than the aforementioned girl. I wonder if any girls are gonna catch my eye. Some fourteen year old girl started talking to me recently. i say it like this because SHE added me on myspace and SHE asked for my number. she seemed cool enough at first, but i could never date her. not only because of age difference. I just don't like her personality. pause.

Even though i feel depressed right now, i cant help but have great confidence. People still don't understand me. They think they do,(not to be cliche) but they have no idea. I'm bigger than most people on this planet. Not physically, but that matters not the slightest. I'm just the biggest person you will meet. Honest.

I am Black Star and I have a BigSoul. Bigger than you could imagine. maybe, My cyberlove might have an idea. but shes the only one.



I will not be stopped. I cannot be. I'm the man who will surpass god. You think its crazy now. You just cant comprehend what is cosmically greater than you.

-Blackstar
Out.