Zetta cool!

today was Zetta cool! I watched the first two episodes of K-on(about to watch the other two right now XD) and i watched Naruto: Bonds. K-on is a very passive and entertaining anime experience. Bonds was pretty much fan service, but it was cool enough. Sai kicked ass. his jutsu is kinda like a metaphor for what animators do XD. oh! props to Leah for introducing me to Oreskaband, a japanese ska band. they are surprisingly good. i like them loads and i thank you Leah! I also got a megaman them for my phone XD someone has yet to call me since i got it though. well, Laura did, she didn't answer when i picked up and i was at a track meet haah. My bro Dion got so SCREWED it wasn't fair. he didn't get to galick gun D: hahaah. I believe in him though! You keep keeping on ninja. and I'm here to help you establish yourself as a solo artist. Really i want to help you so bad!





So now im sitting here, kicking it. oh yeah side bar:Ivonne rested her head on my shoulder today ahah, so comforting. I like when girls ease up around me, it makes me feel like a defender. and shit, while im on the subject of fems, i love necks. i must have been a vamp in my past life. It's just so god damned irresistible to me :3 nomnomnoms.



so once again, im sitting here, feeling zetta cool because i finally told my dad that i wanted a dsi, (hes so darn intimidating)and usura edited a pic i sent her (sorry i took so long to take them XD) its tough to wrap ps2 cables around a belt loop! well, it came out wonderfully and i love the hell out of it. I told her she gonna be my photographer slash art editor. ahah, if only i gain my spotlight. gawd the DSi is so zetta cool.




man i need one, after the meet today, dion was walking me to the front of the school (note:we were free styling to each other like usual)and i ran into sarra. normally, when confronted with this situation, i would stop immediately, but dion started again and i branched off of what he said and started going hard. ahah. like Zetta hard. and in front of a girl >:3 I can never bring myself to do that. i only freestyle to dion and the boys. Feel special girl. i kept going til we got to my door too ahah.
oh i snagged the term zetta from this guy

sho minamimoto from twewy. dopest game ev4r


So that was pretty much my day, i think the only thing i left out is that i made a monster sandwich, cody got his dsi already >:{ (so jealous) yesterday i totally in your faced a snobby punk harajuku bitch, and i love my girls :3 maybe sometime soon, i can tie myself to one, or the other way around.



peace and love,
-Burakkusuta
out

the blackstar is establishing himself.

I'm watching chaos head right now. This anime is dope. sweet and short. perfect. like samurai champloo. only shorter and there are no break dancing swordsman. so today was a really good day :3 i managed to take some decent pictures and watch some anime. I downloaded the new naruto shippuden movie (bonds) i plan on watching it tomorrow morning so that i can have complete silence and give all my attention to it. A lot of people think that naruto is a lame series, but i couldn't disagree more. but enough about that, lets talk about me! this is my blog neh? So, I really dont know what to say, demo i will soon. I have all these intricate philosophies on life that i would like to share. but right now i really wanna get back to chaos head. so til next time,,,,

-Burakkusuta,
out.

the hikikimori's first contact.

So! I'm sure not a single one of you know what a hikikimori is. so heres an excerpt i snagged from wikipedia.

lit. "pulling away, being confined", i.e., "acute social withdrawal") is a Japanese term to refer to the phenomenon of reclusive individuals who have chosen to withdraw from social life, often seeking extreme degrees of isolation and confinement because of various personal and social factors in their lives. The term hikikomori refers to both the sociological phenomenon in general as well as to individuals belonging to this societal group.

so basically, in recent times, I have been slowly becoming on of these people. I wake up alone, eat and stay in the cyberverse as long as my eyes allow. Its not healthy, and it is depressing. some hikikimori even embark on devious outings harming others. I am a much calmer person. the only devious thing i do is watch porn. which is only labeled devious by idiots in society. I have openly stated on multiple occasions that i am a pervert. who isn't? I'm just honest about it.

today was the first outing of this hikikimori that wasnt necessary or routine. I went to anime club, which is routine, but afterward i caught a close friend walking and tagged along. we went to another friends house where he got his ears pierced. Sofia was SO proud of herself ahah. she kept proclaiming "I just wanna stab something!" she is a very vibrant character. Johnna was more mellow. crystal was playful as always. my favorite girls to run into, they always show me so much affection :)

so, after Sofia gave me a tour of her home, my Junior challenged me to some fps action. he wanted to play COD4, but luck must have been against him today because it was nowhere to be found. Luck got worse when we began to play halo3. I am a monster with a br in my hand. haah. Soon after his embarrassing downfall, Crystal joined in. Then Omar picked up a pair of sticks. I won every match except for one match of mosh pit (I was texting XD) but mostly it was me pwning everything i saw. it was fun. Sofia put on my sweater and sagged her pants, Saying "I'm Rei now, do i look like him?" then she took a cliche pose and Johnna took a picture of her with my phone haha. after that she put on juniors sweater and i gave her pointers on how to look like him, posing for yet another funny picture. after a while, the time came fr me and junior to go to Samantha's. we said our goodbyes to the girls and Omar. we had a few laughs on our way to Samantha's house.

when we got there, she gave me the crazily long hug that i have grown accustomed to. i missed her. she's always fun to chill with. like, truly chill. its very relaxing hanging out with her. me and junior took a picture in her mirror. she sat next to me on her bed and i pulled her down and she rested her head on my stomach while she looked through my phone and asked me about some of the pictures i had. junior was handling school business in the bathroom with the laptop.Her little sister was playing the casio and laughing constantly. shes funny ahah. overall it was a good time.

I know in a previous entry i said i was talking to a young girl and that i dont like her personality. That wasnt true. I just was taken aback at how similar we are lmgreatao. She is a very sweet girl. We have actually accumulated quite a large list of things to do together including play halo, eat ice cream, order lasagna and rootbeer at a restaurant(she has never had rootbeer in her life!?)and possibly more stuff ahah. The more we talk the more i start to admire her. she's a good girl. and she has braces. hooray for strange fetishes.

My cyberlove and i have been talking purely via text message lately. I guess i cant call her my cyberlove anymore, for we barely interact in the cyberverse. I have begun to accept that we will only be friends. I have taught her many things and she has taught me much about myself. I appreciate her compassion and caring. i know shes probably going to read this and feel something negative. Shikata ga nai. It cannot be helped. I don't feel as attached as i once was to her. I cant help but feel an "I told you so" vibe coming from her. But i also told her. i mean, having these kind of feelings for someone you cannot physically see is not only a fail in that its frustrating, but one will grow bored. I have a history of growing bored with things, not only fems, but everything. im obsessive so i basically suck all the interest i can get out of things. Im sorry, and i love you less than three.

I'm getting some good feedback from people i don't know well at all about my music and this makes me ecstatic! It makes me want to continue so badly. Imagine how much inspiration i will have when i have a solid fan base. I like to rap and sing. I love how it feels to rap to someone and watch their reaction. it's usually something like "Is that you? you wrote that!?" and im like, wow they really like it :D

ive been listening to an increasingly diverse selection of music. I get inspiration from rock, rap, j-pop/rock, anime, manga, and movies.

wow, this is a long winded entry. well, thank you for your time, for those who are interested, i have a twitter: twitter.com/blackstar834

Sidenote:I dont like how black star sounds when i rap, but i love the name.

well, im going to probably watch some hentai, and read a little manga, relish in the fun that this day provided, and go to my bed.

Peace and love,
Black star

Just chill and think a bit...

BELIEVE NOTHING,
no matter where you read it
or who has said it,
not even if i have said it
unless it agrees with your own reason
and your own common sense.
-Buddha

This is the truest most beautiful think I've heard in my life thus far.
im going to keep this entry mum and just give a quote and a video.
I'm not a bad person. you just don't understand what I do.

As he transforms to a whole other being

so hopeless
no roach clip
under this stress
but still wont forfeit
-Rei

okay, i guess you need preparation for my blog because i obviously warned you with that "okay" ahhah. this new kid cudi is nice. he inspires me alot. charles too. people r probably gonna think im biting. its cool, i dont really care too much. what to say....

My day was lame.my eyes have been bugging all damn day. late night maple story session killed me. and i didnt get anything done ahah. ive been watching some j drama. one was suggested to me by a myspace friend. i dont like the term "myspace friend" it kinda feels phoney. well completely phoney.

i am itching to do more music. ive been trying too hard to do collaborations with a friend. a drifting one. he doesnt have the time i require i guess. im super serious about music. im thinking of beats i should get or concepts i can formulate ideas from. but only absent mindedly. I dont feel like im "going" anywhere. I dont like that.

I always want to improve. or at least become more diverse. Something. I mean i am the great black star. People will soon find out. either they will think im crazy or just creative. or both. i dont mind really.
religious people make me mad.
they are so scared of me. of what i can say without feeling any obligated or guilty weight.
well, im gonna listen to some beats and hopefully write a bit.
later blog.

crying D:

omg she started crying.
Cmgreatao.

not happy with myself.
i told her my frustration with not being able to see her was going to make me irritable.
i hoped me saying that would falsify it, but i guess not. ive got to try harder.
gah someone tried to take advantage of her and i am here, powerless on the other side of the country. her friends can watch over her >:p
gahhhhh.
why did i do this?

dimming light

I'm finding it hard to cope with the fact that I'm not shining today. What the hell is happening? i got a text from my recently suicidal friend simply saying "love you bro". I tried to find out where he was but no reply. I tried imagining him already being dead. I didn't even get mildly sad.then again, I'm not sure i care about any of my friends anymore. I mean i do, but not too much. I suppose you can lose love. They are becoming a burden. As this burden grows, its blocking my light. The Black Star needs light to shine. well, If he is dead, so be it. suicidals are weak people with small wavering souls. My hatred for lack of love in one's self is sort of ironic. But I've learned in my nearly 18 years that many things in life center around irony. pause.

Ive been trying so hard to make my own beats today. I'm more of a wordsmith i suppose. It's not in my nature to just give up, but i believe stressing over this will only take from my writing ability and creativity. I have much more fun writing songs that making instrumentals. pause.

What people don't understand is that I Need to make a living out of music. I am not someone who likes to be tied down to routine. I hate when these NPC's ask me, what do you want to do after high school? I never tell them the truth. I want to be a musical artist. I am a musical artist. i guess i should just say it. there isn't a college for it, but there is inspiration and motivation. pause.

My Internet love isn't texting back. its probably nothing. I'm an unpleasant over thinker(thank you Charles Hamilton) she's always under massive amounts of stress. I'm glad i can ease her burden a bit. i don't want to add to it at all. I'd sooner disappear completely before i do that. we've been talking on the phone a lot lately. it is nice to hear her voice and her little idiosyncrasies that are so cute to me. It just sucks not being able to see her. like a fucking black hole+whirlpool+tornado. Pause.

Looks like nobody is attractive to me anymore, other than the aforementioned girl. I wonder if any girls are gonna catch my eye. Some fourteen year old girl started talking to me recently. i say it like this because SHE added me on myspace and SHE asked for my number. she seemed cool enough at first, but i could never date her. not only because of age difference. I just don't like her personality. pause.

Even though i feel depressed right now, i cant help but have great confidence. People still don't understand me. They think they do,(not to be cliche) but they have no idea. I'm bigger than most people on this planet. Not physically, but that matters not the slightest. I'm just the biggest person you will meet. Honest.

I am Black Star and I have a BigSoul. Bigger than you could imagine. maybe, My cyberlove might have an idea. but shes the only one.



I will not be stopped. I cannot be. I'm the man who will surpass god. You think its crazy now. You just cant comprehend what is cosmically greater than you.

-Blackstar
Out.

Morning breaks

i woke up this morning with my eyes glued shut. well, i wish they were, i was forcing them closed. you see, I live life differently from the rest of my family. In the mornings, everyone is scuffling and struggling to get someplace on time. while i just sit, and endure their noisyness and try to aqcuire a few odd minutes of sleep. once they are gone, everythings okay. hha i do enjoy my solitude. which is most likely an aqcuired taste for i am always alone. Lonliness is inevitable. I've witnessed this. I simply dont have enough means/motivation to contact people. Of course, getting my DSi, my Phone, and even later on my motorcycle will force me to be more open to the world, but for now, I'm happy with my nearly Hikikimori status. plus I get to completely express myself to a certain someone living in a land far far away. Not crazy lmgreatao.(laughmygreatassoff) I totally ninja'd that from charles hamiltons blog, only putting my own spin on it. hah. lately ive been alright i guess. almost losing my temper though. Do Not Want. i let things build up too often. maybe i should shadow box today? before when i was mad, id throw megaman into my ds and pwn robots. but since i lost it(i have a hunch that it was stolen) i cant do that.
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i dont think people understand how essential a "DSi Get!" is to my happiness. the ds became an extention of my hand for some time. this new one will be my greatest companion.
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I know this blog is messy but im no good at format and i have a few unrelated things to say. I may hae different stagenames all the time but i will always have a Soul similar to Blackstar. dont doubt that. I am a constantly changing person. Improving. hahaha.

To say that you are greater than me is to fool yourself.-Me
quote me ahaha. i say some noteworthy shit. Im trying my best not to typo too much. i hate typos =_=;

okay! Astro boy is the new stagename. Blackstar is the alias. yahoo >:D

im finished for now. thanks for the read.

Peace and love

Simple and clean

My life is simple.

I wake up late.

I eat a bowl of cereal.

I gather clothes and take a shower.

I talk to my baby turtle.

I start my computer.

I eat again.

I use my computer for many hours.

I stay up late, flirting with girls I know i cant have via internet, reading manga, and gaming.

I lay down in bed, sleep for two hours, wake up, keeping my eyes closed until ten or so.

then i repeat.

the processes are not complex.

what is complicated is my world.

The one only I live in.

My head.

My mind is full of insecuirities, false empowerments, grand wishes and dreams, and hopeful intentions.

i day dream constantly.

In my mind, i am perfect.

I just wish everybody else felt the same about themselves.

I spend a far too unhealthy amount of time alone.

I have a lot of time to reflect on things.

I think alot.

I'm terribly lonely.

I'm sad i guess i could say.

i dont need to ramble any further.

Thanks for the read.<3
Dim the lights on my stage for a bit. i'll let the spotlight shine on YOU for a while. i can share my light for a bit while i fall back and regroup.

Delusional Determination

I have big dreams.
I have the biggest dreams of anyone else alive.
This world is MY stage.
I will be the greatest being to ever live.
Always pushing myself.
Always succeeding.
Always Improving.

I am BlackStar.